Americans Need Not ApplyJul 29, 2006

Dateline:  San Locos da Porta Potie, Mexico

Peggy L. Elliott

This once sleepy little Mexican border town is the scene of the largest mass illegal immigration apprehension made to date.  The capture is only the latest incident in the escalating crisis, as the river of illegal aliens continues to flood over the southern U.S. border into Mexico.

On Wednesday evening, over three-hundred fifty unemployed U.S. job seekers, tightly wedged into four school buses and disguised in nuns‘ habits, were spotted by locals, who immediately summoned the Mexican Border Authorities.  The “Mi Casa non Su Casa” branch of the Mexican Army (aka the “Meenies") seized the entire group, foiling their attempt to enter Mexico.

Local residents were anxious to report on their role in the round-up.  “Right away we knew there was something weird going on.  When the buses pulled up at the fence, all these ‘Sisters’ piled out, slashing and cutting at the barbed wire.  When the habits got stuck in the barbs their language was not that usually associated with those who have been taken as the Bride of Christ, if you know what I mean.”

Others reported many of the masquerading desperadoes sported moustaches or beards, again, not consistent with the wearing of a nun’s habit.

Today’s mass arrest is only the latest of many, as the crisis that’s befallen Mexico’s northern neighbor continues, forcing those growing legions of unemployed U.S. residents to pursue more desperate measures in their attempt to secure relief - relief thousands have come to believe is just over that southern border.

With the U.S. firmly entrenched in the Sixth Cycle of the Bush Dynasty, twin presidents, Jenna and Barbara Bush, have promised to remain true to the economic course set by their family’s previous administrations, from their father, George W., to Uncles, Jeb, “The Hijacker’s Banker” Bush, Neil, “Love Them Asian Chicks” Bush, and Marvin, “Keeping the WTC Safe” Bush.

President Jenna, preparing for a two-week Spa Get-a-Way at Camp David ("It’s pronounced ‘Dahveed’ now, you know"), shrugged off warnings that the country is in the throes of an horrific economic landslide, and immediate action must be taken to relieve and protect those who are victims of the Bush fiscal policies.

“Well, I was always taught that if it’s good for the wealthy, then it’s good enough for us!  ’Cause that IS us - We ARE wealthy!  And when you have wealthy people around, there’s always some money that sort of reaches the poor people, because we need things done for us and we have to pay for these services, or whatever.  Like having our sweet little Chihuahuas bathed.  If there were no poor people, why, our little babies would be dirty!”

Asked to comment on the accusation that the “Twins are fiddling while the U.S. burns,” Barbara replied, amidst the giggling of her sister, Jenna, “That is just so untrue.  Neither of us even know how to play a musical instrument!”