Blind Boys Are BestAug 27, 2006

Derbhile Dromey

To my mind, one of the most romantic scenes in the movie world comes from Scent of a Woman. In the scene, the main character, played by Al Pacino, asks a young woman to dance at a ritzy hotel. They swirl and twirl to the tango, and as they finish, the young woman’s face is lit with the thrill of the unexpected encounter.

Al Pacino’s character is a lover of women, a man who uses his nose to create a mental image of the women he seduces. Because he is blind, these mental images prove to be a powerful substitute for physical ones.

In my experience, the Pacino character is not the only blind Romeo. Any social event I’ve attended with my visually impaired friends feels like Couples Central. These couples constantly dip in and out of relationships. It’s all rather like an endless, dizzying game of musical chairs. As a singleton surveying the scene, I can feel my sad Bridget Jones persona coming to the fore.

Mind you, the skiing holidays I have taken with a group of mad visually impaired souls have been kind to me. I’ve found myself having a few adventures with blind Romeos of my own! It was all surprisingly easy, especially when you add frothy German beer, and the warm, easy banter of people who know exactly where you’re coming from.

Going out with people who can see considerably less than I can had certain advantages. For example, the men I went out with thought I was mysterious, even though my face is as easy to read as a map. This meant that I could enjoy an unearned reputation as a femme fatale.

I also discovered that blind men are often drawn to subtle ingredients of a woman’s persona which can be missed by sighted men. Conversation takes on greater importance as a social lubricant. Well-honed verbal wit goes down a treat. The lingering smell of perfume or scented shampoo will also be noted with pleasure.

Women are always complaining that after hours spent choosing the right outfit, men never notice it. However, I’ve had several compliments on the funky feel of my glad rags. My admirers were able to show their appreciation with their fingers instead of their eyes. In return, I could tantalise them by describing my clothing in the best possible light, allowing myself to be seen as you wish to be seen.

Of course, there are certain little bumps along the way. You might find yourself crashing him into a door, or getting him nearly killed crossing the road. Or you might be chided gently for pouring milk into his tea – sure he can do that himself. Still, they are very good at laughing things off, and encouraging you to do the same!

Witnessing the easy self-confidence of these men gave my own confidence a boost. They had no hang-ups about the impact of their appearance, their limitations, or their ability to get out there and have a laugh. There was no room for self-pity in their world, which was refreshing for me. I began to laugh at myself; their hearty appetite for life was infectious.

As more and more blind people go to college and work with sighted people, sighted and blind couplings are becoming par for the course. In my experience though, picking up partners on the visually impaired scene has an extra element of safety. In a well lit, accessible location, worries about access and visibility are reduced, and personalities are freer to shine. So visually impaired pairings are still more common.

Still, going out is the same experience for everyone, the thrill of the chase, the games, the fun times…and the less fun times. There are as many diverse couples on the visually impaired scene as on the sighted, gay couples, married couples, flirting couples and warring couples.

This may seem to be overstating the case, but our society, through the films we watch and the magazines we read, tends to view sexuality as a gift for ‘the lucky and the strong’ to quote the lyrics of The Rose, by Bette Midler. Visually impaired people are increasingly claiming this gift for themselves. It is a normal part of their reality, just as it is for all humans.

As for me, I confess I would once have bought into society’s version of sexuality, but thanks to my Scent of a Woman style encounters, I now realise that I was seriously misguided. I’m already dreaming of next year’s skiing trip, where hopefully another blind Romeo will lie in wait. Though of course, I am also in the market for sighted Romeos!